I was THE worst witch!

I was THE worst witch!

It’s a topically spooky Fadtastic Friday! Join me in explaining Fad Number 3: A journey to Wicca.

All I wanted to be was a witch, with cool powers and amazingly long dark hair that flowed over my velvet clad shoulders as I strutted around my cauldron. Witches were beautiful, alluring, intriguing and although I didn’t have a ‘Scooby’ what at least two of those words meant, I knew I had found my calling in life. I was six.

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From this very early age, I developed a love of all things mysterious and mythical. I would lap up watching anything with a connection to the supernatural, whether it be bloodsucking day walkers or covens of high witches. From Grotbags to Buffy, Sabrina to Ghost Whisperer, if it involved spells and magical creatures, I was on it!

I was a huge fan of Samantha in Bewitched and would spend hours perfecting my nose wiggle, desperately wanting something to move at my command. I read all the Jill Murphy ‘Worst Witch‘ series, longing to attend a boarding school that I could have magical adventures in. Of course, the reality was very different. When my mum took me for a look around one, I discovered there were no magic brooms, no cute familiars ready to curl around my legs and I was actually terrified of the dark corridors. She wasn’t too enamoured with the nuns either. But that’s for another story…

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At eight years old I made a Ouija board for a school project. I lovingly stained a piece of wood in a dark varnish, using a matching wooden eggcup for a makeshift  planchette, inscribing golden letters around the outside in my best calligraphic hand. Everyone wanted a go, trying to call up the dead – we believed it was just harmless, scary fun.

That was until one girl, seemingly more worldly than the rest of us, gave us nightmares for at least two months by declaring we’d all be possessed by the devil, as we were on the verge of puberty and the smell of new blood would be enough to have our souls destroyed! Talk about petrified! If I’d been a little older (like twenty years older!), I’d have told her to dial it down a notch and do one! But I was a timid little thing so we packed away the board, hoping whatever this ‘Puberty’ was it would come and go without us having to fight any dark forces.

However, my interest still remained and resurfaced again in my mid-teens. Presented with a book as a leaving gift from our headteacher, I opted for an encyclopedia of Mind, Magic and Mysteries. For hours I’d pore over every detail describing ancient magical rites and arts such as the Tarot. I needed to know everything! And then I discovered the Halliwell sisters…

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Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige – the magical siblings of Charmed. I wanted, no needed to live in their attic and have my own Book of Shadows. So when I found out I could actually study witchcraft, I was ecstatic!

At the time, my then boyfriend’s father told many a tale about studying the occult and being a former member of the Rosicrucians. Stories of his alter, locked away in a private room, of calling up spirits and conversing with other realms. Did I believe him? I definitely wanted to. I was fascinated and lapped up any information – despite him being purposely vague (there were strict rules, naturally!)

However, it all seemed a bit dodgy and a little too close to the dark side for my liking. I wasn’t really up for selling my soul, instead wanting to be a champion of nature, some wood nymph guardian of all forests…or something to that effect. So, keen to emphasise to anyone who would listen that I was a GOOD witch (but let’s face it, if you say you study witchcraft, it’s going to be slim pickings on those taking notice), I skimmed around the edges of this religion (yes, it’s a recognised Pagan faith) and tried to put the world to rights with magical herb-lore.

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Want a good night’s sleep? I’d have a spell for that! Getting the heebie jeebies and convinced you have bad karma floating around your aura? Let me read your colours and encircle you in salt… Pentagrams and crystals or scrying into a mirror at midnight. Referring to my cat as being ‘half in, half out’ the shadow plane and talking to the moon were all part of my life.

But I was rubbish. The worst witch that ever was. Why? Because like any religion or movement, people need to be dedicated to the cause. There were rules to follow and I’ve never been very good doing as I’m told! Cleanse my crystal ball in the light of the new moon? Bit chilly isn’t it…let’s do it next month. Spell needing the spit of a two year old and half a locket of red hair? Maybe it will suffice to just chuck in the contents of my hairbrush…

And it should have been clear to anyone that I wasn’t a real practicing Wicca. Not only was there not a coven in sight but I would insist on everyone calling Halloween ‘Samhain’. Except I pronounced it SAM-HAIN and all Gaelic speakers shook their heads in disappointment.

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It was time to come to my senses by packing away the imaginary cauldron (see, I didn’t even have the correct kit!), exorcise the fad demons and leave the Wiccan worship to those who had more commitment and took their faith seriously. So mote it be… I went back to my TV witches, dreaming of simple powers. You know, like levitating the biscuit tin closer to my hand. 😉

I still worry about portals to the other side though. I really should cover that mirror on the stairs…


Image Credits: Linmidia.com, Youtube, Playbuzz.com, Pinterest and Deviantart.

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28 thoughts on “I was THE worst witch!

  1. I loved this post SO much! It was so evocative and made me laugh. You went a lot further than I ever did on witch obsession, although I was completely addicted to the Worst Witch and Sabrina too. Sabrina even topped Grange Hill as my favourite programme which was saying something. Can’t believe you actually managed to persuade your mum to take you to see a boarding school of the back of the Worst Witch. Brilliant xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks lovely, glad it’s given you a giggle! Good old Grange Hill! None of them were quite as cool as Melissa Joan Hart though, were they?! As an only child I’m very persuasive… I only have minor tantrums until I get my own way! So to be fair, mum was probably trying to get rid of me and get some peace – she just thought better of it when she saw how severe the teachers were! Xx

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      1. Haha, I remember seeing one of the guys off Grange Hill at the bus station on the way to school one day. Was the ‘celebrity spot’ of my life. But yeah, if I’d seen MJH I think I would have exploded with excitement. Embarrassingly enough I might still do if I ever saw her…

        PS. Your mum’s a canny one. I like her already!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha, thanks – she’s getting a lot of appreciation from my little posts!
        I’d have definitely geeked out if I’d spotted one of the GH cast…Maybe not as much as if it had been the Byker Grove boys though!

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    1. Haha! My two familiars were Hobson and McRae… Partners in crime! Can’t have them now, S is allergic (I think he’s making it up and he’s actually just scared of them!)

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  2. You’re not a Scorpio star sign are you? Scorpio’s are supposed to be attracted to witchcraft and the occult and all things spooky. I used to love all that when I was a girl too. Halloween wasn’t really the big thing that it is now when I was a kid. There wasn’t any trick or treating or Halloween costumes but I remember I used to light candles and sit in my bedroom on Halloween night. I’d sit and wait for something to ‘happen’, not quite sure what I expected but I know I’d have been out of that room like a shot if it had haha.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nope, I’m on the cusp of Pisces and Aries… Although I’ve always identified more with the ram!
      I’d love to be in the U.S. for Halloween – my mum’s always made a big deal of it, except there were never pumpkins about as a child (or only extortionately expensive ones) so she always carved a turnip!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My mum and daughter are Aries, possibly even my grandson (not sure as he’s late April). April – it’s like Christmas shopping all over again in our family.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hehe, thank you! Ooh, could you read them? I’ve had mine read before but can’t do them myself. I’ve had a go at palms though – I like that there has been scientific proof of that being legit!

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  3. It’s totally a shame that Samhain isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled, because it just sounds cooler than the Gaelic pronunciation. Any of the Gaelic pronunciations because in research for this comment, I’ve read arguments that it should be either saw-en or sa-ven (or some derivatives of those.)

    Okay, I shouldn’t be busting on pronunciations, since no one can pronounce my last name (since my dad, my grandma, and I all pronounced it differently.)

    But the Sam-hane way of saying it (totally wrong, I know) just sounded sinister and eerie.

    So until the French insist that everyone pronounced Paris as Par-ee, I’ll stick with how I sat Samhain. Which is really no danger, because I just say Halloween.

    Your witches were all much more attractive than the ones I grew up worrying about cooking me in a stew…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, Sam-hane it is then! I’m going to start a seasonal #Samhanesaturday on Twitter!

      As for your name though, I’m now intrigued (and love that your family pronounce it differently!). I’ve always said it as Spon-a-gol… Like Professor Mcgonagall. But maybe it’s Spun-OR-gul. Or Spon-OG-lay. Am I close with any of them?!
      There are at least 26 ways to spell Haylee at my last count – it’s good to be different!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You say it the way my dad does.

        I say it “Spuh-NAW-gul” and my grandma would pronounce it “Spawn-oggle”

        (Hopefully I’ve communicated the differences…)

        My wife was the one who pointed it out to me.

        Wife: How come none of you pronounce your name the same way?

        Me: What?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Amazing! Even better that you hadn’t even clicked that you said it differently. I’m glad I got at least one pronunciation correct but I’m actually loving your grandma’s version. It sounds straight out of Hobbiton!

        Liked by 1 person

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