Trumping the Law

“Miss, miss…it’s against the law to die in the Houses of Parliament!“

“Oh, that’s interesting…“

“Yeah, and my dad says that if you do, you’ll get arrested.”

“Mmmhmmm…Hang on, what? Arresting a dead person? Are your sure he said that? Let’s look it up, it can’t be right. Oh…“

This conversation happened a couple of years ago with a child in my class. Yes I was guilty of only half listening, giving out acknowledging grunts like many parents / teachers do when busy, but what I found out when I paid attention was frankly ridiculous!

But it seems she was 100% correct and there is a British law left in place, stating you’d be prosecuted if you were rebel enough to die whilst in the H of P! Like you might have a choice in the matter!

However, it’s not just us Brits who have ridiculous laws in place – all across the globe, from Samoa (illegal to forget your wife’s birthday) to Spain (no driving in flip flops…actually probs sensible), there are daft sanctions that could land you with fines or jail time.

Therefore, to coincide with the inauguration of potentially the most ridiculous law maker ever to be given power on the planet, I present a list of some of my favourite stupidity from around the world.

Seriously, I think some of these were made up by 5 year olds!

BRITAIN

Apart from refraining from popping your clogs in Parliament, not sticking a stamp with Queen Liz’s face on upside down for fear of treason or being drunk INSIDE a pub, law-abiding citizens:

1. Shouldn’t operate a cow whilst intoxicated.
   Erm…are we talking mechanical cow? Toy cow? Pulling on some udders? This is far too ambiguous…
2. Shouldn’t import potatoes to England or Wales if you have a slight suspicion they might be Polish.
   Vegetable racism? …shameful.
3. Must ensure all males over 14 train to shoot a long-bow.
   I don’t recall an archery GCSE being available for the boys…
4. Must not handle a salmon in suspicious circumstances.
   So… being caught with one in the bedroom. Illegal?
   Caught with one in a fishmongers, during opening hours. Legal?
   Caught manhandling the salmon in same fishmongers after everyone has left… Oh who knows!

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AMERICA

Oh, there are so many worries for your future. But will Trump try to bring in any laws crazier than these? Okay, yes. We all know the answer is likely to be yes…

1. In Alabama, please refrain from getting all excited at your parties: No silly string or throwing of confetti if you don’t want the cuffs on! Oh, and no ice-cream cones in your back pocket…
2. In Florida, make sure you book that bucket list skydive for mid-week to stay out of trouble. That is if you’re a) female and b) divorced or c) widowed. That group of individuals are banned from hurling themselves from planes on Sundays at least!
3. Also in Florida, there are very specific guidelines for passing wind in public. A literal trump law… It seems after 6pm on a Thursday is a prohibited period. Rest of the week, you’re good to let it all out.
4. In Iowa, the beard culture has not been fully embraced. Getting your smooch on with the ladies in public, if you’re a moustache-d mister, is strictly forbidden. Please keep to twirling that ‘tache in an amorous fashion behind closed doors!
5. Is your donkey getting a little sleepy? Well make sure it has a suitable bed and it’s been bathed before 7pm – heaven forbid you leave it dozing in the tub after this hour in Oklahoma and not expect to be punished!
   None of this law, or sentence, makes sense…
6. In Pennsylvania, tying a dollar bill to string then whipping it away as someone tries to pick it up, will get you in bother.
   Like, how many times did it happen and cause distress before they thought it needed an official sanction??!

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CANADA

1. Canadian radio stations are bound by law to make sure one in 5 songs aired are by Canadian artists.
   Bieber…Dion…Adams…erm… Yeah, I’m out of ideas.
2. In Ontario, the city of Petrolia limits excessive noise. Good idea, I hear you say. Except that also includes no whistling or singing, EVER, along with shouting.
   I guess they got fed up of hearing Celine on loop…

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REST OF THE WORLD

1. Thailand: ‘See a penny, pick it up’, a rhyme that might land you in hot water in Asia, especially if it means stepping on currency to stop it rolling away. Not allowed!
2. China: The laws states you must visit your parents often.
   No more avoiding phone calls – if Mom wants you home, she can summon you. Literally.
3. Italy: It’s illegal to fall asleep in a cheese factory.
   This is not cracking news Gromit, everyone needs a nap after crackers. I wonder if it applies to mice…
4. Make sure you visit the toilet in Switzerland at a reasonable hour – flushing after 10pm is a criminal offence.
5. And finally, if you’re a cross-dressing male in Melbourne, Australia, be careful to choose an appropriate outfit. Only sheilas shall be allowed to go strapless in a dress. (?)

Can you ‘Trump’ these laws with some that are more ridiculous? Ever been charged with a pointless offence? Let me know in the comments and have a great weekend!

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Image Credits: business insider, flaginstitute, flaglane, canadianencyclopedia, worldmap and my own.

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